zougla: (Default)
Happy New Year everyone! Went to a small get together shindig for NYE. It was good fun. Although I know better, and usually compensate for it somehow, there was no real food at the party, and so the drinks got to me a little bit more than necessary. So sorry if you got a drunken call from me at midnight that didn't make any sense!

I hope Dad is watching over us, and that he is in peace. But I still miss him.

Two resolutions for this year:

1) make the best of this semester. Put a strong foot forward, even though i am questioning my path at this point.
2) not to get involved in things that make me feel bad. Even when it's only peripherally.

Love and lots of aloha to everyone.
zougla: (Default)
A couple of weeks ago I went with some friends to see Piranha 3D. It was pretty dumb, but fun enough and so there was discussion about the funny things that happened etc. The discussion then moved on to other things, and one of them was the danger of girls hiking or doing things alone at night. I brought up the fact that movies like the one we just saw don't really help this sort of problem (as, of course, the movie was full of cultural stereotypes about girls being vulnerable and needing protection). She took my statement to mean that movies create "bad guys," and that psychos don't need movies to get ideas about assault on women.

This is true, but the point is not that movies create predators, but that cultural ideas seep into every aspect of our lives, movies being one of the windows into which we can look to for analysis of cultural beliefs. The idea that a woman is "in danger" when she is alone is not something that you encounter only in movies. It is something that we are told over and over again in many many ways. The important thing to note for me, however, is that this really has nothing to do with physical strength of a person, but only with the gender that they have decided to perform. If it were about vulnerability in the absolute sense, then you would see far greater numbers of strong men assaulting weaker men as well (although this happens as well. I don't know the numbers, but I bet it has to do with looking "gay," which is construed as being more feminine in our culture, which would actually support the idea that being "feminine" in some way is what attracts assault).

The reason I bring this up now is because yesterday there was an article in the NY Times.

Afghan Boys Are Prized, So Girls Live the Part


It talks about young girls in Afghanistan who are sometimes dressed as boys in their prepubescent years. The whole article is fascinating and worth a read, but the big point for me, and my argument here, was the fact that suddenly because of their outward gender performance, they were no longer assaulted. Miraculously. Their physical strength and physique have not changed one bit, but yet they all of a sudden are in no danger walking by themselves.

Also they mention this historical fact:

"The practice [of women dressing as men] may stretch back centuries. Nancy Dupree, an 83-year-old American who has spent most of her life as a historian working in Afghanistan, said she had not heard of the phenomenon, but recalled a photograph from the early 1900s belonging to the private collection of a member of the Afghan royal family.

It featured women dressed in men’s clothing standing guard at King Habibullah’s harem. The reason: the harem’s women could not be protected by men, who might pose a threat to the women, but they could not be watched over by women either." 

It's so interesting that men are unacceptable to protect women in a harem, and women would also not be acceptable, but women dressed as men are perfectly alright. Thus, their performance as men is enough to qualify them as protectors and not vulnerable themselves to assault from men. 

Of course, these women have a lot of problems when they are forced to act like women again. It is pretty cruel for their parents to choose give their daughters freedom for their formative years, and not prepare them for the time it will end. 

In other news, Dad came home last Sunday. He is acclimating to being back home, but overall things are going well. My mother has been a trooper, and we are doing our best to help one another. I suspect that Dad will be back to normal within the next month or so. He needs to build up his muscle strength again, and all should be better. 


zougla: (Default)

*sigh*  firefox ate my post. Here we go again.


i was saying that despite my whining a couple of weeks ago, this is the first end of semester since starting grad school that I haven't incurred an acidy, ulcerous stomach and bad sleep. also i *mostly* haven't been paranoid, cranky, or mean. mostly.

now is the time for me to start being active again. three weeks of sitting at the cpu writing and only taking (copious) snack breaks = stephanie gained weight. not too much, but enough to be annoying. i still have lots of work to do this summer, but hopefully i can do it at my own pace and do a good job.

want to clean up the basement some, as well as some other things. Anyone who still reads this interested in learning how to knit? my mother and i were discussing what to do with all the yarn that has accumulated in the basement, and i thought it would be great to sell at flea markets and stuff. if anyone is interested in some, i would be willing to give it to you for a bit of time helping to sort it out. also my mother will teach you how to knit. she is a super master knitter. I'll probably be sending out an email about it once I talk to my mom about a good date to hold it.

dad thinks that i am doing this just to avoid the other work i have to do. that's probably true... but I'll do the other work too.

i have been reading too many "grad school is dumb" articles, and i really need to stop doing that. LJ doesn't like the link I'm trying to post, but here's the perfectionist part:
 

Perfectionism - As Curci suggests, one common area of difficulty lies in the impossibility of meeting expectations and all too often these exaggerated expectations are inner demands rather than outer ones.

Perfectionism, can create an inability to start or finish major tasks. Perfectionists are their own worst critics. Nothing is ever good enough and this constant self-criticism leads to paralysis or avoidance which sabotages progress.

Perfectionism is always a defense. Individuals with perfectionistic expectations hope, (wish), need, to protect themselves from all failure or criticism. This criticism which is imagined to be emanating from others is usually coming from within. This can create a vicious circle of fear-driven effort which no amount of external evidence of success ever seems to correct... if only because the possibility of failure cannot ever be reduced to zero.



thankfully i don't think about jumping out of my window anymore (that was my first year), but that perfectionist thing really hits close to home. oddly enough i wouldn't have thought that those were the symptoms of a perfectionist. I guess the people you call perfectionists are the successful ones, but the rest of us are too scared to go all the way like that.

ok, well just to prove my father wrong, i will start working on the things i need to do for school. i really don't like having an incomplete on my grades, even if the class was set up that way from the beginning. he's going in for a double colonoscopy/endoscopy tomorrow, and he's been a bit nervous about it. they hope to find where he has been bleeding (it's slight, but enough together with the chemo that he can't produce enough blood to replace the loss) and close it up somehow. i think it'll be fine.

Cheers!

 
zougla: (Default)
I had a really lovely weekend, went to the movies with Sarah Cassie Ken and Jason. Saw Ninja Assasins. It was OK. The beginning was incredible, I thought it was going to be great fun. then they spent the next 45 mins with a lot of boring backstory, which was not as fun. Then the end was pretty fun again.

After that I went to Tom and Ilana's where they were hosting an art show. Everything was lovely. I really wanted to buy one of Ilana's paintings. Evan's minimalist video was really neat, I wanted to ask lots of nerdy questions about how it was made, but didn't get a chance. And the other two artists were also very good.

Was supposed to go to NJ Saturday, but it snowed and Dad didn't feel that great, so I stayed home and wrote up my statistics homework instead. Should have read syntax too, but I guess I'll do that now.

This is the last Monday of horribleness this semester. Yey! I have realized that I need to have more people to enjoy the city with before I can feel like it is my own. Hopefully I can build this up next semester.

Tomorrow I will be up in Poughkeepsie because my dad has several important doctor's appointments that my mom wants me to come to. I won't be able to go to them all, but at least I can be there in the morning. I'll be showing my class a video on ape cognition, called Ape Genius. It was really good. I'm being so nice to them, if they just show up to class and answer a couple of questions it will count for 10% of their overall grade. I also gave them the option to do extra credit, but I forgot how many points I told them it would be worth. I hope I said five....

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